Breaking Free from the Chains of Abuse

You are the temple of the Holy Spirit and the bride of Christ, our Father in Heaven has committed to guide and protect you.

How many women are caught in the gripping trap of abuse? Too many.... 

        Let's talk about what abuse is. We know that physical and sexual abuse are the obvious, even though in many cases women have a difficult time recognizing even that, who are in the deep hypnotic state of the situation. Let's go deeper, what is emotional abuse and how do you know when to call it and recognize it as abuse? This is tough, because in most cases, it's obvious to everyone around us except for us, and in fewer cases, it's only behind the mask of the man that's fooling everyone but you. In every situation, it's gripping, it's dark and a deep hole to climb out of once you've accepted it as part of your life.

How do you know? There are many ways to know, but the most simple way is to look for these signs...

• Anything that causes you to feel degraded or belittled

• When your morals and values are betrayed or disregarded

• Words used causing you to feel not smart enough, pretty enough, good enough

• Having to hold feelings and emotions inside out of fear of what he might say or do (walking on eggshells)

• Feeling high levels of anxiety and fear being around or anticipating being near him

• Fear of sharing your thoughts, opinions or just being yourself

• Chronic anxiety about upsetting him (never knowing what will set him off)

• Having to make excuses for his behavior to others, friends and family

• Speaking poorly of you to others to make you look bad, and even setting you up to embarrass you (humiliation)

• Constant criticism, as if you can't do anything right

• Fear of having your own friendships, and/or not allowing you to be a part of his

• Constantly taking the blame for his negative feelings and insecurities

• Purposely ignoring and showing no regard for you, your feelings or the relationship (stonewalling)

• Diverting your feelings or concerns into a personal attack on him (victimization, gaslighting)

• Refuses to take responsibility for his faults, feels the need to share blame and responsibility with you for his choices

• Shows only temporary remorse or change until he gets his way (manipulation)

     When I was in the midst of dealing with emotional abuse from my last marriage, a good friend of mine said to me "Listen to your body". At the time, I was struggling with extreme body aches and pains over a long period of time along with panic attacks. I couldn't seem to get it under control. The anxiety and distress I was constantly feeling was taking a huge toll on me physically and mentally. But when my friend said that to me, I realized something! I had been struggling greatly with my faith in knowing what marriage meant to me and going through another divorce seemed unimaginable. I had been praying for a miracle. When I heard those words “Listen to your body”, I realized what it meant to God for us to be the temple in which his Holy Spirit dwells. Something shifted for me, my body is important, what I feel is important, I suddenly felt for the first time in my life that I was precious to Him, a temple that’s sacred to Him. How can I ever glorify God being this emotionally and physically crippled by the chains of abuse I had been locked in for years? Even though I had known about the affects of my Father's alcoholism and absence from being a workaholic, I still managed to overlook the signs that attracted me to my future relationships. I thought I could "fix" a man’s issues, and had to come to realization and acceptance that it was much bigger than me and not a problem that I could fix. I did everything I could to justify controlling, abusive behavior because I just didn't want to believe it was happening to me. The manipulation in emotional abuse can be quite tricky. We have to accept that it's not for us to understand why a person is the way they are or why they can't or aren't willing to change, and trust in God for his purpose and healing. There are usually one or more of the following involved with an abusive person...

1. Addiction

2. Personality Disorders

3. Mental Illness

        Addiction can be conquered in cases where the person is willing to get real help for the problem and is fully committed to recovery. Mental illness can be controlled and monitored with medication, awareness and willingness to receive therapy and tools to cope and manage behavioral issues. Personality Disorders are much harder to detect, and harder for the person to even come to grips with. Most people with personality disorders don't realize they have a personality disorder, which makes it very difficult for them to be willing to get help or want to change. And any of these 3 can coexist together.

  God sometimes brings peace with a sword... This is something I had to learn when trying to let go through my divorce and it took me to hear that to understand that God had something greater in store for my life. He had to come down with a sword to make me see that and finally bring peace to my life. As Women, we are natural nurturers. We want to help others and take care of those we love. What we need is to be mindful of taking care of ourselves, the temple of Christ. We have to see that God is more concerned about that than us staying in and subjecting ourselves to abusive and corruptive relationships or marriages. Remember that child you once were, that little girl that needed protection, security and love. The little girl that was confident with big dreams, before the world began breaking her down. Fight for that girl, she needs you! Christ was crucified for our sins so we wouldn't have to be. Women must break free from the crucifixion of Abuse.