In the midst of chaos and disorder in Motherhood, it's often difficult to find the good or peace in certain situations. As a single mom, I look up at God a lot and go "Really Lord? Is this really happening?" I've found that I get extremely frustrated and just want to hide away and cry in a corner. My 3 boys are very active, rambunctious children and without a man in their live's to help keep them in check, it's a constant struggle. It is especially difficult and disheartening when the child's other parent, whom you're not with is putting you down on a regular basis. I know a lot of parents that struggle with this and it causes a lot more pressure on the parent and the children. So I'm forced to step up and be both mom and dad in my home to the best of my ability and do constant damage control from the their other half of negative influence. There are days I feel defeated, days I feel like falling apart, and days I feel like nothing I do will ever be good enough. I try to believe 100% of the time that God has a bigger plan for my children and I that I just don't know about yet. Hope is what I lean on and Faith is what I have to rely on every single day. I finally realized after years of frustration, pain, and even becoming angry with God, what he really truly wants from me. What he wants, is for me and for all of us to choose His presence in our lives. He wants us to grow in our relationship with him daily, through all of our trials and struggles. He wants us to be grateful for our hard times because it brings us closer to Him and allows his wisdom, presence and peace to fulfill us. I've begun to realize when I need to just be still and embrace his love and presence within me. He renews my mind, body and spirit when I make the conscious effort to be still with Him.
"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:6-7