When I was attending a support group called Divorce Care at my church after my divorce, I would stay after to chat with one of the leaders I felt drawn to. He was a man about 15+ years older than myself and he had this wisdom about him that I felt the need to grasp. He would share with me his thoughts on why he felt feminism existed so strong today and how he believed the women's rights movement came about several years ago. It felt refreshing to hear this wisdom from a man's point of view, and I completely agreed with what he was saying. I could appreciate this man taking responsibility for his leadership role in his own mistakes as he shared with me and I hope that more men will continue to rise up to take responsibility in regards to the feminism issue as well.
What I believe has brought on this new age term "feminism", comes down to is this; God created man. God created man in his own image to be leaders in Christ. God created man to be the head of woman. Though we are all created by and for God, he assigned us roles, and with good reason. See God has a design, which our society has depleted and lives the very opposite of. Today, women don't "hope" to work or "fight" to be able to be in the workplace alongside men, they are now expected to. Women are now expected to have positions outside as well as inside the home. They are expected to be the homemaker, caretaker and child bearer (of course which only women can be), and to also succeed in a career to meet the expectation of a false partnership that’s been created by today’s society. Men's and even women's expectations of women have long been disproportionate. And there are also men and women in society who glamorize the stay at home dad and are offended by anyone's point of view that a mother should be the one at home with her children. I won’t even go into the amount of marriages I see crumbling under this role reversal. The roles have switched, the scales have tipped dramatically and the balance of God's design has become completely eradicated. With a divorce rate of over 50%, we still think we're getting it right and continuing to fight for more control. Women are competing with each other to see who the most super supermom is and who can juggle the most activities, functions, parties, work/business accomplishments and be the best wife without crumbling. Let's be real here. And there's more... who NEEDS MEN?! Is now the mentality women have as well, if we can be fully financially and emotionally independent, that frees us from ever needing to depend on a man. We have households teaching their young girls to be completely independent in life so that they will never have to depend on a man, versus teaching them to seek and wait for the RIGHT man that God would have for them when the time comes that they choose to marry. Growing up my parents told me to get a good education so I could become an attorney or get another high paying job that didn't require me to depend on a man. Once they realized I wasn't going to become an attorney, my father would tell me to be sure to marry a wealthy man so I didn't have to worry about money. Imagine the confusion I felt with those contradicting statements. Today's generations are now so overly concerned with securing their independence, that we have forgotten that is not at all what God asks of us! God clearly teaches the importance of depending on each other, and not the opposite. Here are just a few verses that teach us this...
1 Peter 4:8-10
"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace."
Galatians 6:2
"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. "
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken."
So why is there even a question on depending on one another? Even the second of God's two greatest commandments are to love each other as we love ourselves. This is just another one of Satan's lies that we strive to be completely independent to the point we even compare ourselves to others and compare others on the independence scale.
How does this relate to feminism? It's the teaching in our society to encourage women to be completely independent, thus not needing a man, thus doing everything a man can do, thus not having to be let down, misled, used, hurt, controlled, discouraged, etc, etc..
So what went wrong? The answer I have come up with is this; lack of leadership, or poor leadership, however you want to put it. Men for centuries misused their power of leadership with a desire to control, use and abuse. For centuries men could openly cheat on their wives again and again and it was tolerated and not a word was to be spoken of it from their wives or she would have to endure some pretty harsh consequences. Women for many years were not even allowed to be educated. Only men were allowed to receive an education because women were to be home with the children and serve their families. Women were viewed to have no use for an education. It was not until the year of 1920 that women were given the right to vote. There are still women alive today who lived in the generation of women that were not allowed to vote! So what does that tell us? I think it tells us that a woman's thoughts, opinions, desires, dreams and even her own voice were irrelevant in the world. So after centuries of women having to put up with such terrible leadership and being lorded over by ungodly men, what other choice did women have than to finally take a stance? That was the only choice and since then, we have imprisoned ourselves even more with a rebellious attitude and behavior in society. Imprisoned by this new unattainable standard and loneliness as we drive men further and further from us, which is not at all what God intended. Now that we have all the freedom we do to use our voices as women, and believers in Christ, let's set the record straight. Let's break it down exactly what our Heavenly Father's expectations are of a husband and wife in the home, and see just how distorted things were and even more distorted they have become. Here's some of what God's word teaches us:
Titus 2:4-5
"And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."
Ephesians 5:25-31
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
So this means that a husband is supposed to serve his wife in the way that Jesus Christ served the church that he ultimately died for? Yes indeed. That is exactly what God's word says. Let's take a look at how Christ served the church; He loved the church, provided for the church, fed the church, led the church, cherished the church, taught and educated the church, healed the church, protected the church, comforted the church, washed the feet of the church, and then ultimately died for the church. That's a heavy role, of course no man can be expected to do the miraculous things Christ did for the church, he can be expected to love in the way Christ did though. So I think our God is very clear here on how a husband it to treat his wife and others. Single women today should be looking for this type of man who want to be married. What woman would not desire to submit to a husband who loves and cares for her this way? God does not take leadership lightly. Here's an example of how he holds leaders to a higher standard;
Acts 20:28
"Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood"
Over years and years of time, men have taken scripture and lorded it over women as if they were to obey their husband's every controlling and degrading demands. But we know this... Christ led his church with love, not with demands. Christ did not slap people in the face, push them around or degrade them when they didn't do what he wanted. Christ didn't lash out in anger or judgment every time a person sinned before him. He was controlled and led his people with dignity and integrity. It's not to say Christ never got mad, he did! His anger was a righteous anger out of the love for his people and Heavenly Father, and it was used appropriately and not to be abusive. Ultimately, if a man is leading and serving his wife and family in Christ, what Godly woman would not naturally desire to respect and submit to her husband? And the Lord says even if our spouse is a non believer, our actions and example in Christ should be as such to lead them to Christ. So women we are responsible for being that example for our husbands who are not walking or leading in Christ as well. Ultimately we are only responsible for our own actions and behavior but we can be confident knowing that if our behavior is Christ minded, then we are fulfilling God's will. God loves us even when we're unloveable. So we must also love each other when we're being unloveable.
I hear people all the time use scripture from Genesis to excuse unbalanced behaviors between men and women and how we have all been "cursed" so to speak, from the beginning of time. This was before Christ was sent, our teacher and savior. Christ came to teach us His ways and live by example for us so that we may have everlasting life through Him. Christ broke all curses for those who believe and follow Him, therefore there are no more excuses in how we choose to coexist and love one another.
I would like to elaborate on what I believe a woman's role should be in the home and put feminism to rest. Let's take a look at the Proverbs 31 passage. I won't post it here because it's quite long, but if you look it up you will see the wife of noble character does not sit idle. She is constantly at work to keep up her home, and contribute to her family. She is kind to others and brings honor to her family. It also explains that her husband sits among the elders of the land and is respected at the city gate due to his wife's honorable conduct. I think this shows a partnership at it's finest. I believe a married woman's first priority in honoring God's design is within the home, caring for her husband and children within the home above all else. Unmarried women should honor God's design in being diligent in serving The Lord to the best of their ability, and conducting themselves as to be a Godly example for other women.
I believe a woman's attention is divided as a wife and mother when she is taken away from the work in her home in having to work outside the home, including having to answer to a boss. I believe the divorce rate is so high because most households today have 2 working parents and the home as well as husband, wife and children are being left unattended to. There is no order, no tranquility, no preparation, just chaos. Families running around like chickens with their heads cut off most of the time trying to survive. I teach my 3 boys to be hard working men and to build financial security before they even begin looking for a wife some day. Society has grown men still living at home and relying on their parents for their next meal at 25+ years old today! It's getting ridiculous how many parents have fallen and continue falling into the trap of enabling such irresponsible and immature behavior. This type of behavior is hurting our future generations and going to continue raising the divorce rate as time goes on. We should be teaching our young girls to honor and respect themselves and their bodies, how to discernibly look for Godly leaders and strong providers in searching for a husband and to WAIT for that man. And we should be teaching our boys to be respectful, Godly men and leaders in Christ and to put the gifts and talents God has given them to work in order to provide for their families well. We also must teach our youth how important the sanctity of marriage is and how to protect their marriages from the worlds ways and cultural views.
By restructuring our homes and living by God's word, we can lead and be an example for generations to come. I believe the more Godly leaders we raise up to walk in Christ and seek the Kingdom first, the more we will be able to make change happen because with our great God, ALL things are possible!
John 2:15-18
"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world-the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life-is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with it's desires, but whoever does the will of God will live forever."