Being a single mom has challenges that only a single mother can fully understand. There is a stigma that comes along with being a single mom. Men are more likely to be admired and praised as single fathers than women are for being single mothers. As women we're faced with more challenges being a single parent for many reasons, to name a few... Heavy lifting, car maintenance, and home repair issues can make us feel completely helpless. The other problem that occurs with this is, if we hire or ask a man to help us, we face exposing our vulnerability. The reason this can be a problem for women is because we are more of a target to be taken advantage of. In a world where women should be honored, respected and cared for, in many cases they are treated the opposite. Unfortunate and a shame, but true. In any case, women are in a position as single mothers to be more on guard and protective of their hearts and their home. Another challenge we face is being in the work field. The expectations of a woman to care for her children tend to be far greater and we are given much less grace when situations arise where work is involved. It tends to be a double edged sword. As a full time working mom, there are times work has to suffer and times where work gets in the way of giving my children all of what they need from me. We are commonly judged either way. Finding the balance is difficult but extremely necessary. The other thing single mothers commonly struggle with is being viewed as someone with "baggage". Women not only have this stigma in the employment arena, but also in the dating arena. Men tend to be less likely to want to develop a serious relationship with a woman who has children than a woman interested in a man with children. Women tend to be natural nurturers and usually find it very attractive to see a man fathering children. Men tend to think more about how they'll fit into the equation with a woman with children, and how her children will affect their relationship and time together. An unselfish and secure man won't have this mentality. He will be thinking more about how to win the hearts of your children and how he can contribute to such a beautiful package as a leader in Christ. A Godly man will see your children as gifts, which is exactly how God biblically describes them and will feel honored to have the opportunity to obtain such gifts in his life. The bible talks about how we are gifts God has given to Christ as his followers and he is our perfect example of how children should be viewed and treated. Ephesians 1:5 "He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will."
Along with the struggles of being a single mom, there are also a lot of positives...
- Our Children Build Strength and Character ~ As hard as it is to think about, our children have gone through a lot of emotions and pain going through the process of having their parents split and dealing with all the new adjustments in life that come with that. However, going through these difficult times in their lives can be very maturing for them. Long term, in many cases this builds character in a child and teaches them better how to deal with change throughout life.
- We Create an Unbreakable Bond ~ Going through difficult times with our children can be very bonding, growing and healing together is such a powerful thing. Using your pain to help encourage and empower your children is what they need.
- Breaking Cycles of the Past ~ We have the freedom in raising and teaching our children in the healthiest way we see fit. We get to break cycles that need to be broken and create a healthy environment for them to learn and grow in that they may not have otherwise had before becoming a single parent or that they may not have at their father's.
- Creating New Friendships ~ Being a single mom helps us embrace other single moms and we get to create amazing life long friendships when we reach out and connect with others. The support we give and get from each other as single moms is such a blessing, and gives us strength and hope.
Being the strong women that we are, it's important for us not to be afraid to ask for help. As much as we like to do it on our own, there are times we can feel defeated and need that support to help get us through. It's very important to choose healthy people for support. Stay away from people you feel could be trying to take advantage of you in a vulnerable state or who drain you of the precious energy you need. Allowing unhealthy or unsafe people into your circle can make things a lot more stressful and difficult to manage your already full plate. Another important thing to remember is to not over commit yourself, especially if you're a newly single mother. Don't be afraid to say NO or say you need time to think it over when approached to take something on. You want to give yourself more space to manage your life as a single mom, you don't want to limit your space and create more tension for you and your children. Embrace the circumstances and find joy in growing and strengthening your family.
“I will bring that group through the fire and make them pure. I will refine them like silver and purify them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them. I will say “These are my people” and they will say “The Lord is our God”.”